


Goodbye, My Almost Lover

by allofthefandoms



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Deathfic, Gift Fic, M/M, Songfic, Stony Feels, Unrequited Love, deathbed confessions of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-23
Updated: 2012-06-23
Packaged: 2017-11-08 08:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthefandoms/pseuds/allofthefandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So Steve ran.  Ran through central park, ran down towards the water, ran until everything hurt, but he couldn’t forget.  So instead, he sat down and cried, unseeing eyes facing out towards the water.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, My Almost Lover

**Author's Note:**

> Title and inspiration from the song Almost Lover, by A Fine Frenzy. This is another gift fic inspired by my friend Chris. Enjoy?

It was the arc reactor. It was always going to be the arc reactor. It started with Tony beginning to lose his hair. He brushed it off, as was his wont, and no one thought anything of it. But then he collapsed, right in front of everyone at a press conference and it was days of hospital visits, and countless tests before the doctors reached the inevitable conclusion that Steve had reached a long time ago. Tony was dying. And there was nothing that anyone could do.

The meeting when they got back to SHEILD was terse, quick and painful. No one could meet Tony’s eyes, and Fury gave him indefinite leave. Everyone knew that Fury was just waiting for Tony to die. But when he made a feeble attempt to change Fury’s mind, Steve leapt to his feet, a contorted look on his face.

“Tony, you’re dying. Please just rest for us. For me.” And then Steve was gone before anyone could say anything.

~ ~ ~

Steve rubbed his bleeding knuckles as he stared at the 5th bag he had ruined that session. Tony was dying. That was it. There was nothing he could do. 

Just like you couldn’t save Bucky or Peggy, said a bitter little voice in his head. You are destined to lose everyone you ever loved. You’ll always be alone.

“I love him?” Steve said aloud, testing the weight of the words in his mouth. And as soon as he said them, he realized how true they were. It was then that the tears began to fall, a few at first, and then gasping painful weeping sent him to the floor. He couldn’t say it now, not with Tony a short way from death, and it just ate away at him. He couldn’t burden him with an impossible love, not now. He was doomed never to get the girl. Or the guy, in this case. His mind drifted to the late nights curled up on the sofa watching 70 years of cinema history when neither of them could sleep, the way Tony would drop everything to work on Steve’s shield or armor, and they way Tony would take any hit for him, almost dying on many occasions. And to think he had thought the man was just hot air and swagger. Steve felt so small, smaller than he had ever felt before the serum, and he felt like he was turned inside out. A warm hand jerked him into awareness.

“Steve, you know if I could do anything…” Tony’s arms were solid, real, and they just compounded the ache in Steve’s chest.

“I know, Tony,” he said, voice small. “I just…I just wish it was different.”

“Trust me, I understand. I don’t want to die. Not like this.”

“What is it, exactly? What is killing you?”

“The core of my arc reactor is a poison. It’s been slowly seeping into my blood, most likely for years now. It just decided to go critical now.” There was a regretful hitch in Tony’s voice and the arm around Steve’s arm tightened for a moment. They sat there for a long moment, Steve tucked under Tony’s chin, when Tony began to sing. Steve recognized the language, but couldn’t understand the words. He had never learned Spanish, but the way the words rolled out of Tony’s mouth was soothing and heart wrenching in equal parts. Steve fell asleep to the strains of a sad, haunting melody that suited his mood perfectly.

~ ~ ~

Tony Stark died on a beautiful early summer day, surrounded by the people who loved him. Steve held his hand, hating how bony it had gotten in the last month. Per his request, the last few weeks, the whole team, including Pepper and Rhodey, had been basically having a huge slumber party in the den. Tony wanted to die with that last cityscape in his vision. They had watched everyone’s favorite movies, eaten gluttonous amounts of take away and junk food, and for a few moments each day, forgotten that this was the living wake for their best friend.   
But then came the day that everything was done. All the goodbyes, all the last minute things Tony wanted to do or see, and then it was time. Curling his emaciated frame against Steve’s broad body, Tony sat and watched the sunrise over the skyscrapers and buildings. As his breath got heavy, he turned to Steve, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“It was worth it. Because I lived long enough to know you. To love you. Goodbye Steve.” And then he slumped, simply looking like he had fallen asleep. But Steve could feel that his breath had stopped, could feel that there was no pulse, no heartbeat. As Tony’s body cooled, Steve hated the sunrise, hated that he couldn’t have just put the last week on repeat and never have to face a world without Tony. When Pepper found him, she had to blink away tears before she pried the two of them apart so Tony’s body could be prepared for his funeral. Steve sat there for a long time, staring out over the city.

~ ~ ~

It was a small private service, after the public viewing of the day before. Steve thought Tony looked so wan and small, even though they were burying him in the Mark VIII. Fury, oddly enough, was leading the small service, and Steve was struck by how elegant a speaker he was. But everything, as well meaning and kind as it was, just felt empty and painful. When what remained of the Avengers walked out into the soft summer sun, they all felt the empty space that Tony was supposed to be filling. But no one missed him more than Steve.

And so Steve ran. Ran through central park, ran down towards the water, ran until everything hurt, but he couldn’t forget. So instead, he sat down and cried, unseeing eyes facing out towards the water.


End file.
